The Mail Monsters Project | 16

The Mail Monsters make letters disappear.

And they can also be tricky, according to John:

What people think they look like

What they really look like

Actually, the sender knows quite a lot about these creatures that steal our mail...

The term "mail monster" is really a misnomer. A monster is described in the dictionary as a "large, ugly and frightening, imaginary creature".

The creatures that sidetrack, delay and even consume our mail are not imaginary. They are as real as hen's teeth but not as rare. They are also very small which enables them to hide in post offices, aeroplane holders, vans and even post boxes. However, like monsters they are ugly and frightening which is why post office cats leave them alone, enabling them to reproduce and multiply in the darker corners of post office canteens, amid the old, discarded mail sacks.

Mail monsters have very vivid imaginations and are very intelligent. As a result they get bored easily. One way of relieving that boredom is to read; so they extract mail and take it into their nests where it may lie for weeks or months before being spotted by a passing postman. Because postcards don't have to be chewed open and have pretty pictures they are the mail monster's favourite type of post.

Sometimes, when the nest gets overflowing with mail mummy monsters make the children take it back to the mail slots. But instead of putting back where it came from, they will simply dump a whole armful in the nearest hole. So mail for Sweden or Malaysia may end up in the slot for Morocco or the Netherlands.

But the worst damage is done by pregnant female monsters. They always get a craving for paper and can consume ten or twelve postcards or letters.

No way of eradicating mail monsters has yet been found.